People-pleasing often starts in childhood, especially for those who grew up in environments where emotional support and validation were lacking. You might have learned early on that being "good," agreeable, or always helping out was the way to get attention, approval, or even love. It became your way of keeping the peace or avoiding criticism, and over time, it became a habit that helped you feel safe and accepted in relationships, even if the support you received wasn’t always consistent or genuine.

As you grew older, people-pleasing may have served you in difficult relationships. It could have allowed you to maintain harmony, avoid conflict, or keep the peace in situations where expressing your true feelings might have led to rejection or tension. By constantly putting others’ needs before your own, you probably felt like you were in control, even though it may have left you feeling drained or unappreciated. It was a way to cope, to feel needed, and to ensure that things wouldn’t fall apart.

However, while people-pleasing may have helped you survive, it’s likely also hurt you. Over time, you might have felt overwhelmed, burnt out, or even resentful, as your own needs and desires were pushed aside. By never saying "no," it became difficult to maintain your sense of self, and relationships may have become one-sided. When you start setting boundaries, life can look different. You’ll begin to feel more empowered, confident, and in control. By honoring your own needs, you can create healthier, more balanced relationships where you feel respected and supported, and most importantly, where you get to be your true self.